Autistic Culture
The Autistic Culture Podcast
Only Murders Update (Episode 52: Minisode #2)

Only Murders Update (Episode 52: Minisode #2)

Authentic Autistic friendships
M: That's exhausting. A: It is exhausting. And it will lead to meltdowns. M: It's like being on The Bachelor, or even worse, watching The Bachelor.

Dr. Angela Lauria and Matt Lowry, LPP, provide an update on their previous episode discussing the TV show "Only Murders in the Building." They share additional evidence that the actress Selena Gomez may be Autistic, including that she has lupus which co-occurs at a high rate with autism.

They also discuss how Autistic friendships are often built on shared special interests, whereas neurotypical friendships progress through stages from acquaintance, to casual friend, to close friend. These stages have implicit rules like not directly discussing which stage a friendship is in.

“It's so surface level and superficial because who wants to wade through four separate areas of superficiality before you're able to find someone who genuinely appreciates you?” - Matt

The hosts conclude Autistic people should seek out Autistic friendships to avoid the exhaustion and masking required in neurotypical relationships. Overall, they feel "Only Murders in the Building" provides an exemplary depiction of an authentic, supportive Autistic friendship.

“Only Murders—I think—is the most beautiful depiction of what an autistic friendship is like. And if you don't have that, I highly recommend you go seek it.” - Angela

What’s your experience with Autistic friendships? Tell us about it in the comments and use #AutisticCultureCatch to share your answer on your social media and connect with other listeners!

Nico’s stages of allistic friendship progression:

  1. Acquaintance: Running into someone regularly due to a common social environment.

  2. Cohort/casual friend: Making occasional plans together, often context-dependent (e.g. "my friends from the dance group" or "classmate" or "colleague") but more intimate than acquaintances.

  3. Friend: Friends are people who know approximately who you are (or the version of yourself you present to the world). They probably know who several of your other friends are, may offer to pitch in on a project or lend a hand with a move.

  4. Close friend: Close friends expect to be early on the list of people you'd call upon for emotional or practical support or even relationship advice, but not necessarily for the "big problems."

  5. Superlative of choice: Whether they call it best friends, besties, "my/the girls/boys/people," chosen family, "like siblings," etc. these are the people whom they'd consider using up vacation days to support—the ones who might do the same for them. Curiously, these are the people they'll back in an argument even when they're clearly at least partially in the wrong.

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Autistic Culture
The Autistic Culture Podcast
Welcome to the Autistic Culture Podcast. Each episode we dive deep into Autistic contributions to society and culture by introducing you to some of the world’s most famous and successful Autistics in history!
Whether you are Autistic or just love someone who is, your hosts, Dr. Angela Lauria, the Linguistic Autistic and Licensed Psychological Practitioner, Matt Lowry, welcome you to take this time to be fully immersed in the language, values, traditions, norms, and identity of Autistica!
To learn more about Angela, Matt, and the Autistic Culture Podcast visit