The story of how I learned to distinguish between my Autistic traits, my crippling anxiety, and Autistic burnout and how each needs different tools of care.
I'm sorry you had this kind of experience with a life coach. This approach has never worked for me, either. "The environment is neutral"? No, it's not.
Having said that, not all coaching is like this. Coaching is meant to be a partnership and can be a wonderful, supportive, neurodivergent affirming space.
I really like thinking about the roles in this way: coachees are experts on the content & decision making level while the coach is an expert in professionally guiding the process. As a coach, I know that you are the only expert on your life, what you choose to work on, the decisions you make and the actions you take. All I do is guide the process with listening, questions, and the occasional framework or exercise (if it is helpful to the coachee).
That makes sense. I did understand that from the title and your specific examples, but felt towards the end that you spoke more broadly about coaching, but maybe I misunderstood! Glad you clarified you're specifically talking about CBT based coaching, which I totally agree with!
Ah - thanks for that feedback. I'll see if I can edit it a bit for clarity.
I was a client of Brooke Castillo from the Life Coach school but I think all that CBT style coaching is unsuitable for neurodivergent people but obviously that is just one style of coaching (and I think, not a good one!)
So glad you wrote this. I have maybe an extreme position on life coaching. The only expert on my autistic life is... Well, me.
We're all different. So I'm the only expert. If the "coach" is autistic, well, there may be two experts in the room. But only on our own individual lives.
We may be able to learn... from each other. Which might... might... be worth paying for??
But the power dynamics and utility of that? Aren't worth it.
I appreciate this discussion. I continue to marinate on this topic. Input is good. I tend to wander into dark thoughts on this topic. I'm 72. Was in therapy... and medication... for decades. Since my experience is ancient...my personal experience may be less valid today.
But it was essentially... a horror show. With brief moments of support.
I resonate deeply with this sentiment AND believe strongly in the value of coaching (as one of those autistic coaches, admittedly ambivalent about the term “coach”). I absolutely need to plot my own path and have found that having someone as part of my journey who has been through it for themselves and can be another voice supporting me to trust my lived experience as it steers me off beaten paths has been invaluable! “Success” maps, advice, and static models turn me off, but give me 1-on-1 time with a compassionate human who isn’t trying to fix me, values curiosity and difference, and doesn’t need to be “right” and somehow more becomes possible.
All to say, thank you for your post as it validates pieces of my experience and gives me even more motivation to be authentically divergent, in coaching and life.
I'm sorry you had this kind of experience with a life coach. This approach has never worked for me, either. "The environment is neutral"? No, it's not.
Having said that, not all coaching is like this. Coaching is meant to be a partnership and can be a wonderful, supportive, neurodivergent affirming space.
I really like thinking about the roles in this way: coachees are experts on the content & decision making level while the coach is an expert in professionally guiding the process. As a coach, I know that you are the only expert on your life, what you choose to work on, the decisions you make and the actions you take. All I do is guide the process with listening, questions, and the occasional framework or exercise (if it is helpful to the coachee).
I think I wanted to focus on coaching that uses CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). Do you think I didn't make that clear?
That makes sense. I did understand that from the title and your specific examples, but felt towards the end that you spoke more broadly about coaching, but maybe I misunderstood! Glad you clarified you're specifically talking about CBT based coaching, which I totally agree with!
Edits for clarity. Thanks!
Ah - thanks for that feedback. I'll see if I can edit it a bit for clarity.
I was a client of Brooke Castillo from the Life Coach school but I think all that CBT style coaching is unsuitable for neurodivergent people but obviously that is just one style of coaching (and I think, not a good one!)
So glad you wrote this. I have maybe an extreme position on life coaching. The only expert on my autistic life is... Well, me.
We're all different. So I'm the only expert. If the "coach" is autistic, well, there may be two experts in the room. But only on our own individual lives.
We may be able to learn... from each other. Which might... might... be worth paying for??
But the power dynamics and utility of that? Aren't worth it.
For me.
Ymmv.
But I'm glad you wrote this, my friend.
I appreciate this discussion. I continue to marinate on this topic. Input is good. I tend to wander into dark thoughts on this topic. I'm 72. Was in therapy... and medication... for decades. Since my experience is ancient...my personal experience may be less valid today.
But it was essentially... a horror show. With brief moments of support.
Very likely different now.
Yes I agree with that exactly. The ONLY thing that works for Autistics is to plot our own path.
I resonate deeply with this sentiment AND believe strongly in the value of coaching (as one of those autistic coaches, admittedly ambivalent about the term “coach”). I absolutely need to plot my own path and have found that having someone as part of my journey who has been through it for themselves and can be another voice supporting me to trust my lived experience as it steers me off beaten paths has been invaluable! “Success” maps, advice, and static models turn me off, but give me 1-on-1 time with a compassionate human who isn’t trying to fix me, values curiosity and difference, and doesn’t need to be “right” and somehow more becomes possible.
All to say, thank you for your post as it validates pieces of my experience and gives me even more motivation to be authentically divergent, in coaching and life.
My issue isn't with coaching in general it's with coaching that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Does that make sense?
Tedious, but effective!