How Sarma Realised She Was Autistic After Everything Fell Apart
In this episode, Angela speaks with Sarma Melngailis about receiving an autism diagnosis at 51 — after public success, collapse, and years of being profoundly misunderstood.
In this meeting of The Late Diagnosis Club, Dr Angela Kingdon welcomes Sarma Melngailis, a late-identified Autistic woman whose life unfolded in public long before she had language for her neurodivergence.
Sarma was once a celebrated New York restaurateur and entrepreneur. Years later, she became the subject of global scrutiny following a highly publicised documentary that framed her story through scandal rather than context. She was not diagnosed as Autistic until age 51, after everything had already happened.
In this conversation, Sarma speaks candidly about sensory overwhelm, being misread as cold or suspicious, vulnerability to coercive control, and how not knowing she was Autistic shaped her relationships, business decisions, and sense of self. This episode is not about scandal — it’s about what happens when a life is interpreted through the wrong lens, and what becomes possible when the right one finally arrives.
🎧 Listen to this episode:
🪑 Attendees
Chair: Dr Angela Kingdon — Author, community-builder, and Autistic advocate
Guest: Sarma Melngailis — late-identified Autistic author and entrepreneur
You: The Listener!
🗒️ Meeting Agenda
Opening remarks from the Chair
Member introduction: Public success without private understanding
Discussion: Late diagnosis, vulnerability, and coercive control
Being misread: affect, communication, and media narratives
Sensory processing, burnout, and leadership
Animals, justice sensitivity, and belonging
Key learnings
Club announcements
🧾 Minutes from the Meeting
1️⃣ Opening Remarks
Angela introduces Sarma as a member whose story was widely told before it was widely understood. While the public narrative focused on spectacle and suspicion, Sarma’s lived experience was shaped by sensory overwhelm, misinterpretation, and deep vulnerability — all without the context of an autism diagnosis.
2️⃣ Member Introduction: Sarma’s Story
Sarma describes growing up feeling different without knowing why, gravitating toward misfits and animals, and navigating adulthood with intense sensory sensitivity and a strong drive toward justice and care.
Her autism was first suggested not by clinicians, but by viewers of a documentary who recognised themselves in her, many of them late-diagnosed Autistic adults. Following a full-day evaluation, Sarma received a formal autism diagnosis along with sensory processing disorder, offering long-missing clarity.
3️⃣ Discussion Highlights
Late diagnosis at 51: Recognition after public life and collapse
Misinterpretation: Flat affect, pauses, and Autistic communication framed as guilt or deception
Coercive control: How Autistic trust and literal thinking increase vulnerability
Being “seen”: Why manipulative attention can feel like understanding
Public narratives: Harm caused by edited stories and missing context
Sensory overload: Sound, scent, and cumulative exhaustion in high-pressure environments
Animals and connection: Deep attachment as regulation and grounding
Safeguards: Learning to listen to trusted outsiders and name red flags
4️⃣ Key Learnings
Not knowing you’re Autistic can increase vulnerability to exploitation
Being articulate and successful does not protect against harm
Autistic affect is often misread through a moral lens
Clarity does not erase the past — but it can soften self-blame
Community and outside perspective are protective factors
Having language for your nervous system changes what you tolerate
📌 Notice Board
🎬 Bad Vegan — Trailer
📰 People Magazine — Sarma Melngailis on Autism Diagnosis
📷 Sarma Melngailis on Instagram
📖 The Girl with the Duck Tattoo — Book Website
🌱 Sarma Raw — Personal Website
📣 Club Announcements
🎧 The Late Diagnosis Club is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms.
💬 Join our online meetups and community at latediagnosis.club.
📌 Check the LDC Notice Board for Member Contributions
💜 There is a small charge — but no one is turned away for lack of funds.
💌 Want To Be Our Next Guest?
If you’ve been nodding along and thinking, “That could be my story,” we want to hear from you.
We’re always looking for late-diagnosed or self-identified neurodivergent adults who are ready to share their story on The Late Diagnosis Club.
Tell us a little about yourself and your diagnosis journey here:
💜 Whether you’ve just realised you’re Autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, or you’re still figuring it out — your story belongs here. We’ve saved you a seat.
💫 Why Your Support Matters
When you join Autistic Culture Plus or pitch a show to the Autistic Culture Podcast Network, you’re doing more than subscribing to a podcast —
You’re investing in Autistic-led media.
Included with Autistic Culture Plus
• Ad-free listening (sensory-friendly)
• Early access to every episode
• Exclusive archive of ~100 classic episodes
Every pound, dollar, or share helps:
🎙️ Fund neurodivergent creators — paying Autistic hosts, editors, and producers for their work
🌍 Amplify Autistic voices and stories that mainstream media too often overlooks
💡 Build an ecosystem of culture, not pathology — where being Autistic is celebrated, not “treated”
🤝 Support accessible, sensory-friendly storytelling made with our community in mind
For less than the price of a coffee, you help sustain a growing network that’s 100% by and for neurodivergent people — ensuring that Autistic stories, creativity, and brilliance reach the audiences they deserve.
Joining isn’t just a subscription.
It’s solidarity. Visibility. Community in action.
💜 With Gratitude
A huge thank-you to our founding supporters of Autistic Culture Plus, who believed in this network before it even launched.
Our Executive Producers and Producers make this work possible — funding neurodivergent creators, amplifying Autistic voices, and helping build a media ecosystem rooted in pride, creativity, and community.
These members form the foundation of the Autistic Culture Podcast Network, and you’ll see their names credited at the end of our shows and on our website.
🎙️ Executive Producers
Amy Burns, Anamaria B Call, Andrew Banner, Anna Goodson, Ashley Apelzin, Audrea Volker, Ben Coulson, Brian Churcek, Cappy Hamper, Carley Biblin, Charlene Deva, Chloe Cross, Clay Duhigg, Clayton Oliver, Danny Dunn, Daria Brown, David Garrido, Emily Burgess, Eric Crane, Erik Stenerud, Fiona Baker, Grace Norman, Helen Shaddock, Jaimie Collins, Jason Killian, Jen Unruh, Jennifer Carpenter, Julia Tretter, Kathie Watson-Gray, Kenneth Knowles, Kira Cotter, Kristine Lang, Kyle Raney, Llew P Williams, Laura Alvarado, Laura De Vito, Laura Provonsha, Lily George, Nelly Darmi, Nigel Rogers, Rachel Miller, Tim Scott, Tyler Kunz, Victoria Steed, Yanina Wood.
🎧 Producers
AJ Knight, Bobby Simon, Da Kovac, Eleanor Collins, Emily Griffiths, Hannah Hughes, Jennifer Kemp, Jonas Fløde, Kate F, Katie N Benitez, Kendra Murphy, Lisa Dennys, Logan Wall, Louise Lomas, Melissa Nance, Nicola Owen, Rebecka Johansson, Sam Morris, Sarah Hannah Morris.
Wow, this was a very informative, encouraging and helpful episode. Thank you, Sarma, for sharing your experience, strength and hope.