[UPDATED] CHAPTER 7: PROCESSING IDENTITY SHOCK

A practical path through identity shock with environments, accommodations, and consent-based care.

Discovering you’re autistic can feel like a revelation—relief, grief, and recognition all at once. Psychotherapist Mark Dooley frames this process in four overlapping phases: discovery, acceptance, integration, and expression. The point isn’t to reach an endpoint but to keep unfolding into your autistic self.

Traditional therapies, though, often derail this process. ABA treats autistic traits as “bad behaviors” to extinguish, CBT reframes distress as a mindset problem, and DBT can pathologize coping strategies that actually protect us. None were designed by or for autistic people. The result is usually gaslighting, blame, or pressure to mask.

What works instead is humanistic, autism-affirming therapy. That means supporting your nervous system, adjusting environments, and honoring autistic needs—rather than forcing you to adapt endlessly. Finding a truly affirming therapist requires discernment, but the goal is simple: therapy should help you live more authentically autistic, not less.